Tips For Managing Stress From Parents

There are so many pressures and expectations in life.

Get good grades, secure a good job, make enough money, settle down, have kids, etc.

You may hear it from friends and acquaintances, but you'll definitely hear it from your family– specifically your parents.

This is nothing new. They were always there, pushing you to be the best. And you understood that you were one of the lucky ones who had them around, so you were always there trying to meet their expectations.

But, let's be real, we also thought it would stop at a certain point.

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That we would have done enough and reached enough of the goals they had set for us.

Unfortunately, they haven't stopped their antics, but we're getting older now.

We don't have room for our stress and the one that our family members put in us, so we will have to stop theirs (especially if we want to manage ours).

In this blog, we'll go over how parents can trigger stress, how to address it, and the best ways to cope with it.

Understanding Parental Stress: Unveiling the Why

Parents, ah, they're like the unsung heroes of adulthood, right?

And as you're getting your life together, you lean on your parents in various ways. Advice, a home-cooked meal, networking opportunities– health insurance.

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Over the past 12 months, 44% of young adults aged 18-34 (with a living parent) received financial assistance from their parents to address financial worries. (Source.)

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But let's peel back the curtain on why they might be doling out stress like it's free candy.

It's not because they're trying to make your life a chaotic rollercoaster – in fact, it usually comes from a place of pure love and a genuine desire for your success.

Parental Love and Shared Goals

First, let's talk love – the unconditional, superhero cape-wearing kind.

Your folks are wired to want the absolute best for you, and that sometimes translates into them stressing over your future.

Their dreams for your success are like a heartbeat echoing in the background of their every move.

The goal? Your self-sufficiency and overall happiness.

Navigating a Hyper-Competitive World

Now, onto the battlefield they're navigating – a world that's, let's be real, a bit of a stress-inducing circus.

Parents are responsible for preparing you for the intense academic pressures and societal imbalances that define this challenging, hyper-competitive environment.

Their aim is not to make life tougher; it's their way of preparing you for the big leagues, a.k.a. adulthood.

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Technological Influences: Social Media and Unrealistic Ideals

Enter the tech era, where social media reigns supreme.

Here's the kicker: your parents are also victims of the scrolling game and are trying to keep up with the Kardashians (metaphorically, of course).

The stress dial cranks up as they grapple with the constant bombardment of unrealistic ideals and societal expectations bred by the digital realm.

It's like trying to surf a tsunami of influence, and, well, it's not a walk in the park.

Understanding these battles on their turf is key to decoding why parents sometimes dish out stress like it's the main course at a family dinner.

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Signs Your Parents Trigger Your Stress

Why Do You Get Triggered?

Something happens even when we give ourselves a pep talk, saying that we won't allow our parents to stress us out and will not react to any antics.

As soon as we are in front of them, all that preparation goes out the window.

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Depending on our personality, we may find ourselves arguing with them– people we care about.

This stress response is called regression, where we go from the adult that we've been painstakingly training to be and turn into the kid that we've been hoping to leave behind.

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Regression: to return to a former or less developed state.

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So what is it exactly about being around them that makes us forget ourselves?

Kati Morton has an answer rooted in psychology:

Our brains make connections: your brain connects memories to your senses, places, and people for you to reference in the future.

Ergo facto, when you step into your old house and see your parents, you're flooded with all the associated memories that come with that.
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Relational dynamics: since you've known your parents, you've probably gone from a new baby, to a child, to a teen, to an adult.

For most of us, our parents have only ever been adults.

We've changed while they may not have, which messes with the dynamic.

You may find yourself regressing to fix it.
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Unresolved conflicts: issues within the family that have not been resolved and don't get discussed but always seem to cause conflict.
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Unmet needs: whenever we have an unmet (physical, emotional, etc.) need, our subconscious works to rectify that.
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Sometimes, you tap into the age you were when you felt somebody (maybe your parents) didn't meet those needs.

Recognizing Your Stress Levels

Alright, let's kick things off with a bit of introspection.

It's time to be your own detective and suss out those stress signals.

Consider it like having a personal stress barometer – pay attention to how your body and mind react to different situations.

Are your shoulders doing a slow climb to your ears? Is your mind on an express train to "overdrive station?" Maybe your heart rate is picking up?

These could be your stress cues.

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When their “innocent” question turns into a full-blown interrogation. 😥

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Being in tune with your stress levels is the first step to tackling the beast head-on.

Chloe from Psych2Go created a great list for recognizing when your parents are the reason for your high stress. 👇

You avoid them as much as you can
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You feel anxious when you see them
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You can't concentrate around them
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You get more emotional when they're there
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You worry about what they'll say all the time
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They disrupt your eating/sleeping pattern
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You start to have physical symptoms
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You usually feel better when they leave

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How to Deal With Stress From Parents

Incorporating Healthy Habits into Daily Routines

We'll start strong with a game-changer – healthy habits (because that's literally what this blog is about).

You'll need to use these habits as your tools to navigate the stress our parents put on you.

Keep it simple and stick to the basics.

Begin by regularly getting a good night's sleep, a cornerstone to strong mental health.

Then, sprinkle in some physical activity. It doesn't have to be a gym marathon; a short walk at the local park or a dance party in your living room does the trick.

Finally, carve out quality time for yourself. It's not selfish; it's a sanity-saving ritual.

Utilizing Stress Management Tools

Now, let's dive into the zen zone.

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Stress management is like having a shield in the battle against overwhelming emotions.

Deep breathing is your go-to here.

Take a few moments to inhale the good vibes and exhale the stress.

It's simple but powerful.

Another trick up your sleeve? Muscle relaxation.

Picture each stressful thought leaving your body with every exhale.

These tools aren't just for show – they're a great way to maintain balance in the chaos.

Seeking Social Support and Building a Strong Support Network

Ever heard the saying, "It takes a village"?

Well, it applies to battling the stress parents bring, too.

Don't be afraid to hit up your squad for support.

Best friends, extended family, or that neighbor who always has great advice – they're all part of your stress-fighting team.

Share your feelings, swap stories, and let their experiences guide you.

Building a strong support network isn't a sign of weakness; it's a strategic move.

Setting Boundaries for Personal Well-being

Let's start this section with a power move – setting boundaries.

Think of it as drawing a line in the sand, saying, "Hey, here's my space, and it's sacred."

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It's not about building walls; it's about creating a haven for your mental well-being.

This could mean designating "me-time" or establishing zones where work and relaxation coexist peacefully.

Boundaries will be an asset when balancing family life and personal sanity.

Carving Out Quality Time for Yourself

Imagine this as a date with yourself – doing things that light up your soul.

It could be reading a book, taking a bubble bath, or even binging your favorite show guilt-free.

Quality time with yourself is the best way to hit the reset button; it allows you to bring your A-game to the family arena (or any arena, for that matter) without feeling burnt out.

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Building A Healthy Parent-Child Relationship: Creating Strong Bonds

The Importance of Open Communication

Now, let's talk about something that might feel a bit like diving into the deep end: open communication.

It's what makes relationships, especially the family kind, work. So, as negative emotions seep in, resist the urge to close off.

Instead, share what's on your mind, how you feel, and, most importantly, why.

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Remember, communication isn't a one-way street.

Encourage the folks to share their feelings too, and be ready to hear about yourself.

It's a two-for-one deal, fostering understanding and building bridges for smoother conversations in the future.

Express your dreams and challenges clearly, and encourage your parents to do the same.

This straightforward approach helps create a supportive environment where everyone feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings.

Effective Strategies for Expressing Feelings

Expressing your feelings doesn't require a Shakespearean monologue.

Instead, it's about finding the right words, tone, and timing.

Here's a practical guide👇:

Use "I" Statements: Begin your expression with "I feel" or "I need" to avoid playing the blame game and help others understand your perspective.
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Choose the Right Moment: Select a calm moment for your heart-to-heart; catching them mid-frenzy might not be the best idea.
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Prioritize Open Dialogue: Remember, it's not about winning a debate, but creating a space for open, honest dialogue.

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Now, let's integrate more ways for effective verbal expression 🗣️ :

Reflect on Feelings: Take time to reflect on your emotions before expressing them, ensuring clarity in your communication.
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Validate Emotions: Acknowledge and validate your emotions, emphasizing that feelings are a natural part of the human experience.
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Be Specific: Clearly articulate the specific emotions you are experiencing, such as joy, frustration, or sadness.
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Share Examples: Provide specific examples or situations that triggered your emotions to help others understand better.
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Practice Active Listening: Encourage a two-way conversation by actively listening to others and responding thoughtfully.
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Avoid Blame: Focus on expressing your feelings without assigning blame, fostering a more open and non-confrontational dialogue.
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Express Gratitude: Acknowledge positive emotions by expressing gratitude and appreciation when others contribute to your well-being.
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Seek Understanding: Ask for clarification if there's a need for better understanding, and encourage open communication.
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Use Descriptive Language: Use descriptive words to paint a clearer picture of your emotions, enhancing communication.
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Express Changes Over Time: Communicate how your emotions may have evolved or changed over time, providing context.
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Use Humor: If appropriate (and if their personality allows), incorporate humor to lighten the mood, especially when discussing sensitive topics.
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Express Empathy: Demonstrate empathy by considering others' perspectives and expressing understanding of their feelings as well.
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Use Positive Language: Frame your feelings using positive language when possible, focusing on constructive communication.
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Use Tone and Body Language: Pay attention to your tone and body language, as non-verbal cues can enhance or alter the message.
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Express Vulnerability: Share your feelings with vulnerability, fostering a deeper connection with others.
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Ask for Support: If needed, express your feelings by asking for emotional support or understanding.
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Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries and limits to ensure mutual understanding.
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Offer Solutions: If applicable, suggest potential solutions or compromises to address the source of your emotions.

Incorporating these strategies helps create a more effective and empathetic communication style.

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We're all new at this, so take some some time to practice what you're going say before sitting down with your family. 👀

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If you're like me and often get tongue-tied when expressing yourself in stressful situations (because, let's face it, it might get stressful), give the book Never Split The Difference a try.

I'll drop it under (Re)Sources, but click below to check it out.

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Navigating Different Opinions and Parenting Styles

Everyone in the family brings their own flavor to the mix, and that's okay.

Respect the differences in opinions and parenting styles.

Instead of trying to change each other (which is often where we mess up), focus on finding common ground.

It's about having conversations where both sides feel heard and respected.

This approach creates a more harmonious family dynamic.

The Importance of Spending Quality Time

Quality time matters more than quantity.

It's about sharing meaningful moments, whether it's a chat over dinner or a simple walk in the park.

These moments build a stronger connection between you and your parents.

Invest time in activities that create lasting memories and deepen your understanding of each other.

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(Re)Sources

Below is a list of resources that you can use to help you find ways to deal with this stress.

I've separated them into three categories: signs & triggers, coping strategies, and communication.

Signs & Triggers

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8 Signs Your Parents are Making You Stressed

All children grow up with an innate need for the love, praise, and affection of their parents. And whether they mean to or not, our parents can sometimes make us feel like we have to be a certain way or do certain things for them to accept us and be proud of us. When the pressure to be perfect and please our parents becomes too overwhelming for us to bear, it can lead to a lot of guilt, shame, anxiety, and most of all, stress.

https://psych2go.net/8-signs-your-parents-are-making-you-stressed/

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Coping Strategies

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Want to Make New Friends As An Adult? Try These 9 Things

https://theeverygirl.com/how-to-make-friends-as-an-adult/

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Stress Management: How to Reduce and Relieve Stress

Overwhelmed by stress? You don't have to be. These stress management tips can help you drastically reduce your stress levels and regain control of your life.

www.helpguide.org

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Communication

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6 De-Escalation Techniques to Diffuse Conflict

It is easy to get overwhelmed in high-conflict situations, but continued escalation can make things worse. Learn practical tips to diffuse conflict.

https://www.verywellmind.com

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Where Do We Go From Here?

You're off to a great start.

Taking time to work on and understand yourself is the first step to anything, but here's the rest of your to-do list.

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Your first task is to dive deeper into self-reflection:

Ask yourself:

What specific actions of your parents stress you out?
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What are some aspects of your reactions that you don't like, and how can you improve them?
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What do you want your relationship with your parents to look at this stage in your life (realistically)?

Next, create an action plan 🎯 :